We are all looking for love, but are we looking at the wrong place waiting for the perfect person to come into our life and have a happy ever after? Well let’s see what insights Spirituality can give into dealing with romantic relationships.
For people who are not much into spirituality, here is a short description. It is not philosophy, it is not religion, it is a collection of insights which help you lead a better inner life. You can call it being happy, peaceful or joyful. We want to live to the fullest but rarely feel content. We look for money, things and people to fulfil us and most often realize that they can’t ultimately complete us. Here comes the role of spirituality, where are bunch of people who are feeling good, irrespective of what they have, help others reach that state. I know, now you are wondering how this spirituality stuff is going to help you have better romance. Spiritual teachings focus on getting rid of unwanted mind patterns, which lower the quality of life. Let’s see how which one block the joy in your love life.
1. Being right and making wrong
There is a craving in each of us to complain about someone or something which in turn makes us feel superior to the thing or person we are complaining about. This unhappy behaviour also creeps into relationships when we constantly complain about the something we don’t like more often about our partner’s behaviour. Now I am not asking you to stop informing your partner about what you don’t like or what change you are expecting but the attitude with which the conversation happens is very important. If you are doing it to prove yourself righteous, to feel superior then it is a sure shot way of messing up.
Most of us are more interested about what we want to say and even when the other person is speaking half the time we are busy thinking about the next thing to say. Love is to have an open alert awareness of the other person and there is no better way to bring that love than listening with an open mind. Pausing a second or two before starting the flow of your words creates a mature discussion. Also people value our words more when we speak to the point and be a great listener.
3. Leaning psychologically
More often than not we use the romantic relationship to fill the emptiness we feel inside and we lean on our partner psychologically when we expect him/her to meet our requirements to make us happy. This sucks the life out of relationships, we should instead build better self-esteem by focusing on creative self-expression in our jobs and hobbies, thus helping stand on our own feet metaphorically speaking. Our partner can be a source of joy when we feel full in our heart without the “need” for the other person.
4. Emotional Pain
I like how one of my favourite spiritual teachers, Eckhart Tolle informs how our emotional pain from the past can come up and fill our present situations with negativity. This is where we over-react to situations. Emotional pain takes over our thinking and we say and do things we regret later. The best way to go beyond the past pain is to be present with it when it rises up and make sure not to be taken over by the mental stories which try to justify the over-reaction.
5. Spend quality time in silence
All spiritual traditions make it a point that silence has great healing power. Schedule activities where you and your partner are involved together, working on something involving less talking and more quality time together. This can be activities like cooking, gardening or really romantic ones like having a silent troll through nature, watching sunset together. There is no need for verbal communication when you become the same soul in silence.
You don’t have to beat yourself up if you find the dysfunctional patterns in you, the fact that you are becoming aware shows that you are moving beyond them. Your awareness itself awakens you out of those patterns and you don’t have to try super hard to overcome them. Observe them without judging and they will drop. I know now you want to ask, how you can make your partner realise the same patterns, especially when it might lead to arguments when directly pointed out. Your state of mind matters more, and that directly effects your partner and in that state free of negativity and judgement, your words and actions are always a source of love.